i tell you im going f mad because of you. you're sharpening my heart again, there's already a whole half gone. can't you see or sense that my heart is bleeding? im sick again. not sick, not tired, just going backwards. im going to leave the Highway of Love soon because im unable to endure it. it's two days away to our 2nd monthsary but yet you're still nowhere in sight. i've been going around in circles all this while & the relationship is not getting anywhere. you left me once but this time will be the last time.

the laughter, tears, arguments, touching words, the calls, conversations till 2-4am in the morning, the times when we were feeling -----, weird dreams we had about each other, when you knew how to put a smile on my face, made me feel loved, failed to touch me, made me happy. you were the only one that i could tell everything to, you were the one that was always there. do you have any idea how tired i am of everything, of feeling this way, thinking about you, crying over you, wasting my time, making p.romises, keeping commitment?

so my conscience said , " slap yourself, what are you waiting for? move on without him "

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im having my best laughs now. i was right in saying " i absolutely believe in karma & you'll get your retribution one day " ain't i? what goes around, comes around my dear girl. you're suffering now aren't you? that should teach you a lesson not to interfere & being a cheap woman. be miserable now, slut.

im bored. time now : 3.40pm & i just got back like an hour ago. im blogging because i have nothing else to do. using the pc is sucha bore. im supposed to go out with that little brat but guess what when i reached home. she told me that she's too lazy to accompany me to go out. i was like, FUCK YOU MANNNN (!) im supposed to accompany shahidah at westmall but halfway i left her because of this & now you told me, you don't want to go. you should've told me earlier! so tell me people, what am i supposed to do now?! im superbored, get me something to do (!)

ah, today is sucha boring day because mine dearest B didn't turn up for school but my i-thought-dull-morning was awwhhsome. it was saved by saheera tan :) but still the rest of the day was borinnggg because there's nobody to make me laugh so hard except for sha & dya but that lasted only for awhile. & i f know the meaning of NOMAD alr, YESMAD :D

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FEEEEEEEQAH ; CHEAP WOMAN. I KNOW YOU'LL BE READING THIS! IF YOU'VE BEEN VIEWING MY FRIENDSTER, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN CHECKING FOR UPDATES ON MY BLOG TOO RIGHT? YOU & HIM : HISTORY, GETIT? POMPAN SUNDAL, KAU TU EY CUME EX MATAER AKU, NOMORE THAN THAT! APE LAGY KAU NAK?! NOW, KAU TEKEJA2 KAN DIER BALEK, NAPE? LEPAS PE KAU DA BUAT PAT DIE, KAU BUSTED DIE, KAU PIKIR DIE NAK KAU BALEK AH?! OVER MY DEAD BODY BITCH, YOU WON'T BE CONNECTED TO HIM ANYMORE. YOU THINK BY WRITING ALL THAT SHITS, LOVE WORDS FOR HIM & PUTTING UP PICTURES OF YOU GUYS, WHICH IS LIKE SO LONG TIME AGO, WILL MAKE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND & ACCEPT YOU BACK?! EVEN IF I FOUGHT WITH HIM, EVEN IF WE BROKE UP, THATS NON OF YOUR F BUSINESS AH GIRL. WE WON'T FALL OUT JUST BECAUSE OF A TINY WINY MATTER. I STILL LOVE HIM & I WON'T GIVE UP JUST LIKE THAT. I WILL FIGHT WITH YOU TILL THE END & MAKE SURE THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY, I'LL BE THE WINNER. SINCED YOU LIKE TO VIEW ME SO MUCH, GO ON GIRL, NANTI KAU YANG SAKET ATI, NOT ME :) YOU'RE JUST A CHEAP WOMAN YANG DESPERATE FOR A KONEK!

IDK WHY BUT ALL MY BOYFRIENDS, WHICH ARE MY EX(S) NOW, THEIR EX'S, MOSTLY, BEHAVE LIKE A GOD-DAMN BITCH. I MEAN SLUT. BITCH SOUNDS SO WRONG, SLUT SUITS THEM BETTER!
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oh btw, happy 40th birthday to uncle & happy 41st anni to grandmum&granddad.

TWO DAYS NON-STOP.
i've been laughing ON & ON & ON. seems that mine good mood is back. shahidah even tegur-ed me on that & thats definitely a positive sign. i've been highing in school, laughing non-stop, like a mad woman. stares everywhere & im alr used to it. credits goes out to the people around me & of course, darling grilfriends of mine esp mine B ; from the starting till the end of school she's been the one making me go OHLALA.

the stickers from the drugs-free thang made me burst laughing, yesterday. edward was the mastermind. he wrote all sorts of nonsensical stuffs, which when people read it, they will go LAUGH OUT LOUD & afterwhich, he will pass the thang & ask other people to paste it on other people's back. i kept laughing out loud when other got bullied & labelled but when it comes to me, i got so scared, i kept touching my while body to see if there's any of that f stuff. afterawhile, i couldn't take it, i ran across the room & went to the back of the classroom.

today, eera & B was the one who made me laugh so hard. B got posessed form eera who've been connecting to the "underwaterworld" - she actually meant afterworld/afterlife but instead she said underwaterworld. she even invented a word like this : eff+you+see+kay+why+oh+you - GET IT?!

us : HIDAYAH * shouts out her name real loud *
her : what?
us : FARTS * laugh out louds*
(lame or what, idc, what i know, i had fun disturbing her & *LOL)
i know you don't get it, hahahaha. it's an inside joke. only us knows :]

just so you know, this few days (even though its only the starting of the week has just been pain, torture, hurt & more pain. i've been plastering a smile on my face & is too weak to pretend anymore. if you ask me " are you okay " & i say yes, if you ask me to " be strong " & i say i will, if you ask me to " cheer up " & i say i'm fine, i think one day, i'll get tired of having to lie to everyone. no one really understands what im going through, what my actions been trying to tell them.

things are not what it seems. i do things with a reason & made mistakes which i don't realize. sometimes, i say things i don't mean. dosen't mean when im quiet, i don't care. dosen't mean when im quiet, i've nothing to say. when im quiet, i have too many things to say & i do not now where to start. when im quiet, it mean im missing you when you all are actually by my side. idk why it bother me so much when it seems like you don't. i smile, when im sad. i laugh when i feel like crying. im useless but rest assured, i'll still be there for you all when you need me or in trouble.

thanks Epit for keeping me going in school today :)
& im hating every single emotion im having inside me now.

OUTING TO ECP WITH dearest :
nuratikah,nurhidayah,shahidah,nadiah,syakir,alifridwan,rasheed,luqmanhakiim,
khairulanwar,firdaus & marco :D

it starts out well but ends up like a bitch(!) some fucking idiot(s) just had to make my blood boils & so things screwed up. i shan't elaborate more. thanks-to-whoever-who-organise-the-ClingCling-activity, i've been smiling widely till now. no group photo. thanks to mine B for accompanying & making me laugh, all the way. i love you.

thanks to babylove too for listening to my heartpain, comforting me, hearing me complain on all sorts of stuff, shouting vulgars & crying over the phone. till now, i still wish that Friday,the 13th would never end. i will post the pictures of us soon because he's holding on to it right now. iloveyou-wholeheartedly, honeyb.

i spend two whole days going out with dearest girlfriend.

THURSDAY.

i spend the whole day at CitySquare, JB, with girlfriend & we went there without the accompaniment of any adult. HOW COOL IS THAT? our purpose was to catch What Happens In Vegas. as usual, upon reaching, we head to the cinema & tried to book the tickets hoping that we could get the best seats but unfortunately, What Happens In Vegas wasn't screening there anymore. dissapointed enough. after much discussion, we decided to catch ; Superhero Movie. it was a 3.5/5 for me but definitely worth my 5RM.

aftermath, we went shopping, shopping, shopping at Innercity ; 2nd version of Bugis Street. Cool ya know but the disadvantage is, prices for the stuffs there if converted to singapore, it's the same. either a few bucks cheaper or much more expensive. so we went to almost every store but nothing really caught my eyes except for this particular store which sells a whole bunch of pretty hoodies. OHMYFUCKINGGAY(!) i got all oh-so-sexcited when i saw them. after this, im gonna save up every single of my money just to get the hoodies. after we got all we wanted, we head to this place called Vivo & had our lunch there. chilled for awhile & head home. oh, before that, i drop at F's crib for awhile to get my long awaited homemade brownies which dearest sha has made especially for us.

FRIDAY.

the whole day was spend with girlfriend, AGAIN (!!) morning, we had maths class & there was girlfriend. in the afternoon, girlfriend & i head to cine to catch What Happens In Vegas because that is the only cineplex screening that movie. being a veryyy kiasu people & hoping that we will get what we wanted, we head straight to book the tickets. unfortunately, we didn't get the best seat because others have gotten it way earlier than us but at least the seats that we got are still acceptable. the movie was 5/5 for me. definitely a must-watch & i didn't regret coming all the way there just to catch it. aftermath, we thought of catching another movie ; Made Of Honour but the seats we got was way to front so we gave it a miss but definitely we will be catching it another day. we then head to LJS & had our lunch. girlfriend made a fool of herself there *laughs* she know, i know but the public dosen't because girlfriend dosen't allow me to write about it but that really made me laugh so hard, all the wayyyyy.

all in all, both days, i had a hell great time. thankyou dya girlfriend :D

unwanted candid photos that was forced to be put up here :D
&

oh, before i forget ....

i got something to mention which i didn't mention at my previous entry. i
've watch Congkak & to me another dissapointment. it's the same as Jangan Pandang Belakang only difference this time round is the sound effects ; it was great. everyone was screaming but we were the noisiest bunch there. we were screaming like nobodys business & it nearly gave me a heart attack.

the-next-a-must-to-catch: you don't mess with the ZOHAN,penelope,get smart,made of honour,forgetting sarah marshall,wedding daze ; anyone wanna join & movie-marathon-ing all the way (?!)

our relationship is still alive & kicking & the evidence is - we turned one month today(!) but i have the feeling won't last because we just had out 1st argument on our 1st monthsary. soon we'll be finding ourself struggling with it & end up going seperate ways. i've made the wrong choice in accepting you. i should have accept the fact of what has happened & from there move on SLOWLY. i rushed in this relationship, i rushed in the making the move of accepting you as my boyfriend. i do not have the faith that this will work out. baby, you'll hear me saying " im sick & tired of love " again, soon.

my holiday isn't like a holiday at all (!) its been filled with going back to school for intensive classes. first week was mostly with racking of the brain for my art N level major project which im halfway done. im glad, its over -temporary-. this thang will be continued again on the third & fourth week. whats more, teacher said that when school re-opens, batik students will have to stay back everyday till 4/6 without fail. *sighs*

azhar, the "one" who has been torture-ing us & girlfriend's "priceless face"

our batik drawings -in progress- ; mine on the left, girlfriend's on the right

GIRLFRIEND & _ :)